they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
try to milk me bitch
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