First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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