Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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