Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
