I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
he puts the penis in happiness.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Randomize
