Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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