Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Randomize
