He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
