My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
