Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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