College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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