so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
