You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Randomize
