You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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