dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
