hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
