I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
