haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
