so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I just blew my weed a kiss
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
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