shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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