I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
