She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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