I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
