How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
