I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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