update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
