I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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