WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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