i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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