I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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