We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
