I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
