You're my little dorito
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
