...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
