so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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