chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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