Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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