Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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