so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
