so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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