how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
