I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
is that a dick in a sweater?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
