she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
