woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
