WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
