i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
