I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
