Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
