Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
