Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
