Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
