I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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